THE WORLD ACCORDING TO THE DOG-RADAR ONLINE

American bounty hunter and bail bondsman Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman gave an interview with Esquire that could yield a book of quotes to stand alongside the best of them. Among the accumulated wisdom the 55 year-old shares are:

-“My grandfather told me years ago, “Watch your fantasies, because you’re the kind of person who will live them.”

-“Selling a vacuum cleaner to a farmer is like trying to sell the devil a match.”

-“The closest thing to hell on earth is prison. It’s the worst experience I’ve ever had in my life. Besides death.”

-“When I look in the mirror, I’d rather be studly than sexy. Matt Lauer can be sexy. I’ll be studly.”

-“I speak to animals a lot. Crows will come to me. I’m like that.”

-“We as men need to make sure our women are fully satisfied. I went to a marriage counselor one time — I was young, she was beautiful — and I told her, “I just stay on longer because I want the girl to get off first, and then I want to touch them and love them.” Within two weeks, I was screwing the sex therapist, right? No — this is a true story!”

-“If I could bring my daughter back, I’d hold a snuff can over a bear’s ass for five years in a Texas prison.”

Chapman — who was a gang member with 18 convictions for armed robbery, which he insists he’s innocent of — launched his reality show Dog the Bounty Hunter in August, 2004 .